


This Fire That Burns Inside Of Us

by Melphis_Amekia



Series: Eternity, Served Cold [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: At the start, College AU, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Heartbreak, I literally don't know what I should tag so I guess I'll leave this here as it is, Like, M/M, Multi, Other, Smoking, Trans Character, also, also passing out after pulling all-nighters, being total cute nerds, doing drugs, hopefully I can make it somewhat believable, like it's so ridiculous what's gonna evolve(or devolve) into given the start, most of the cast will enjoy all the opportunities of college life, that includes gaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7162106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melphis_Amekia/pseuds/Melphis_Amekia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feferi Peixes is the Heiress of the Alternian Empire, which had grown to encompass almost three quarters of the galaxy. Her ancestor and ruler, The Condesce, had decided to halt the expansion in order to consolidate her rule. The scout ships, however, discovered Earth, and some apparently mutually benefitial agreements have been conducted, which allowed Feferi, alongside the few lucky trolls, to arrive on Earth. She was excited to start, at least temporarily, a new life in a place that was not as oppressive as her homeworld was, and perhaps find a solution to achieve the same freedom that she found on Earth on Alternia.</p><p>Perhaps the solution won't be as peaceful as Feferi would hope for, interrupted by Condesce's cruel designs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Start of a New Life

**Author's Note:**

> The summary is not a complete summary, as it only indicates that Feferi will be a POV or that her part of the story will have the full focus. She will have the biggest part of the story, yes, but there will be several more POV's like Vriska, Kanaya, Dirk, Roxy, Aranea, Karkat and Dave(currently... I might use some more depending on which storyline I am writing).
> 
> I also want to thank Roseandrecords for beta reading my fic. She is a really good writer and you should check out her fics!
> 
> This also starts out as a cute and happy fic(mostly). I hope you will enjoy that until the skies begin to darken.
> 
> Songs for the chapter: The Kooks - Young Folks - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3H65ek9ZKs & Franz Ferdinand - Love Illumination - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nJ0o8-3Aas

Working at a coffee shop called Starbucks on Earth wasn’t something Feferi needed to do at all. She had all the possible allowances her status entailed, even if it was a secret she was here instead of on Alternia. Feferi preferred it that way. It was just her luck the Empress had a reputation to maintain and was willing to let her go to Earth after some persuasion.

It was her second month studying at Skaia University on Earth, currently the only university where both humans and trolls can attend and her third week working at the cafe. Feferi took the job because it was as exciting as everything she saw on Earth, from the far weaker sun which enabled her to go by daylight and explore the streets of Seattle, the scenery brimming with colorful life to all the different humans and, very rarely, other trolls of all blood colors going around the college campus.The added bonus of her job was that she could meet a lot of people which was mostly why she took it.

Meeting someone new was always fun!

Currently, Feferi was waiting for her shift to finish at midnight before going back to the dorm room she shared with Nepeta. Only one guy was inside the cafe, a yellow-blooded troll with blue-and-red shades who typed on his husktop way too quickly and levitated his coffee with psionics so he could sip it without using hands. He’s the only one who even came at this hour here and he never sat down with someone else.

There was something interesting about him, something a bit more than just being someone Feferi hadn’t met yet and she couldn’t quite place what it was. He really looked out of place in the brightly lit mass of mahagony-painted wood of the cafe’s furniture. Feferi imagined him in a much darker room with only the light of his husktop revealing a ton of electronic parts and gadgets strewn across the room. It made her want to meet him even more so she resolved to go up to him just as soon as...

Oh. The sleek black digital clock just ticked 12 p.m. Feferi took the apron off and given it to Rose, the night-shift working girl whose purple outfits almost always complimented Feferi’s color but clashed with the green of the apron. She prepared two coffees first, a double Caramel Frappucino the guy always ordered and hot chocolate for herself before going to his seat at the corner of the cafe. Feferi never tried something like chocolate before and she couldn’t get enough of its sweet, tasty flavor, and the guy stopped drinking his coffee so she might as well gotten him a refill on the house.

„Hey!” she said as she sat across him, her tone friendly as usual.

„What the hell, who the fuck wants--” he looked up, total surprise on his face „-- oh, you’re the girl who works here. What do you want?”

„Whale, I just wanted to meet you.”

„And I am not interested in meeting anyone. The only reason I come here at this hour is to escape from my roommate Karkat who’s the loudest non-stop talking machine. I need peace and quiet to work on my projects and you can’t get that around him or the other psychos at the dorm.” The lisp surprised Feferi, even if she thought it cute, and also how mean he was.

„No need to be so glubbing rude about it then to a girl who just wants to glub with you, especially if she brought you a cup of coffee on the house.” she replied, pointing to the cup. At least he had the decency to be embarrassed, a cute yellow blush spreading across his face.

The conversation wasn’t going well up to now, but she still had hope. His glubbiness made him stand out all the more, the sharp lines of his face, the dual horns and fangs, even the lisp only adding to the effect.

„Fuck. Sorry, my moods get the better of me even if I don’t want them to.” he replied, visibly relaxing. „My name is Sollux.”

„Feferi.”

„Peixes? I didn’t know the Heiress is attending Skaia. Holy shit.” 

It was a bit weird that he already knew her name, as it wasn’t exactly public knowledge, but Feferi didn’t mind. Someone was bound to have stumbled onto that and worrying about it was useless.

„Yes. I fin-ally managed to get here where I’m not known at all and everyfin is awesome. I can’t pick out what I pike around here the most.”

Sollux closed his husktop and shuffled it to the side, presumably to give Feferi his undivided attention. That was a pleasant surprise, making her look at him with confusion.

„What’s the problem?”

„You carped about some projects you were working on so...”

He raised his eyebrow,. „So why did I decide to leave them for later? Meeting the Heiress of the Alternian Empire, who happens to look surprisingly like a normal, hyperactive teenage girl, sounds rather cool actually. Even so, I might have just stormed off out of here anyway. I’m not that much into meeting people.”

„So, why did you stay?”

„Your fish puns sold me. They’re _reelly_  funny.” He blushed again, spots of yellow appearing on his cheeks.

Out of all the things Sollux could have said, this one was totally unexpected. Feferi laughed, feeling lighter each second while he patiently sipped his coffee. When her laughter died down, his voice turned solemn.

„Also, the voices of the imminent dead in my pan have subsided somewhat for the first time in forever.”

„Voices?” she asked, uncertain. Lowerbloods, no, warmbloods usually had some kind of psychic ability and some extra unpleasant addition paired up to it. Some trolls, although really rare, were just crazy, though. Feferi was surprised he revealed it to her. Alternia wasn’t exactly accommodating and friendly to anyone, but especially those who had an “affliction” to go with their powers if it rendered them useless.

„People who are soon going to die are screaming in my head. It’s almost like a universal constant. Labeling it as voices of the imminent dead is the shortest version to say it. I don’t mention it usually since no one can actually know I hear them, unlike how my psionics are obvious.”

"I think your powers are cool. They put up quite a shoal."

The compliment made his cheeks flush with even more yellow and he smiled. The smile suited him much more than the grumpy frown he usually wore. "Thanks, even though being a walking jugaloo show is too much almost all the time." He still smiled, but Feferi sensed he didn't want to talk about it more.

"So, what major are you going for? Computer science?" Feferi was genuinely curious to find that out, or rather, genuinely curious to find out everything about him.

"Yeah, that's obvious. You?"

"I wasn't sure what I wanted when I got here, so I got a wide selection of courses, but now, I think they are going to be photography and marine biology." Sollux frowned, looking a bit surprised.

"Marine biology makes the same amount of sense as computer science for me, but why photography? We don't even have those photo boxes on Alternia."

It was a difficult question. Feferi didn't really have an answer to, but she wanted to answer it as best she could. She was sure he wouldn't laugh at her reply.

"I know, but the first time I took one of those devices and took a photo was simply amazing. To me, it was pike I outswam the fastest swimmer." She sighed and took a sip of chocolate. "I love it for itself, but I guess it also has a lot to do with what I am planning to do when I become the Empress. I mean, now I have to call you a low blood if we’re in company of someone who puts stock into that, even though different blood color shouldn't mean you are a lower caste than me. I want culling to mean caring for those older, infirm, or more volatile instead of killing.

Behind a photographic device, I imagine like I cod capture all the moments and beauty of all of the worlds and that, when those changes go through, I will immortalize them myself taking photos behind the lens."

Sollux took his glasses of, revealing the mismatched eyes, the left blue, the right red. His face looked thoughtful, as if pondering her statement like it was an undiscovered secret of the universe.

"This is the first time in my life I can warrant to say beautiful." Sollux finally replied, "Even if they are utterly mad and pretty much unattainable, your goals and your ideas are beautiful." Feferi's cheeks felt warm as hell.

He seemed to want to say something more, but stopped himself from doing so. His yellow blush, which disappeared as she talked returned in full force.

It looked fintasticly cute.

"Thank you. I'd ask you the same question, but I think it's shrimply obvious that you're shrimply a tech genius." She paused for a bit and finished drinking her chocolate.

"You know, you are the first person I told about my goals and ideals."

"Really? You are the first I voluntarily told about the voices."

"Voluntarily?"

"You don't want to know." His tone was somber as he said it.

"I actually do, but I'll prod you aboat it some other time." Sollux laughed, the sound of someone who first found joy in it and reveled in it all the more, his face looking fully relaxed. She followed his infectious laughter with her own soon.

The clock showed 1:14 a.m when they finally stopped laughing and composed themselves. It was really late and Feferi wanted to get some sleep, thankful that her first class wasn't until noon. She enjoyed talking to Sollux, though, and that was worth getting a bit less sleep.

"Have you met many people on the campus?" she asked.

"A couple, yes, though more by necessity than by my will. There’s my roommate, Karkat. He’s a bragging loudmouth who loves watching awful movies. Pretty good guy, actually. He’d probably soak up your talk about reforms like a sponge. Then there's Dirk, a human, with whom I share classes. He's totally, impenetrably aloof, but very tech savvy. I know some guys from the dorm by their faces, but I didn't bother to remember their names. One of them is ridiculous - his name is Edaran or something has a violet streak in his hair."

"Eridan Ampora?"

"Yeah, that's his name. You know him?"

"We used to be moray-eels. I broke it of a couple of sweeps ago, but as far as I know, we're still friends. We haven't had a lot contact since then." she replied. It would be good to see him again.

"I can imagine why you broke it of. The guy's a right fucking douchebag."

Feferi wanted to say something in Eridan's defense, but the reason why she broke it off with him was because he was quite a clam. Unfortunately, things didn't seem to have improved, so she stayed silent.

"Anyway, that's it as far as my pathetic socializing goes. What about you?” he asked, sounding politely interested. „Judging by this, you must have met every girl in your dorm."

"I would have, but I didn’t have the time. I had to get settled in here, so I haven’t met that many people yet. Hmmm.” She thought about it for a minute. „There’s Nepeta Leijon, my roommate. She is really nice and cute. You can recognize her on the campus by a blue cat hat and tail. Kanaya Maryam is great. She's studying fashion, but from what I saw, she's better than most professionals. And Vriska Serket... you must have heard about her."

"Even on Alternia, she had a troublemaking reputation. She broke into the news at home for that. “The Team Charge Incident” is what they called it, I think."

"Yes, and she looks somewhat like that here but, I met here and she seemed pretty ok. I think there’s also Jade Harley and Rose Lalonde, two human girls who are pretty cool, that I talked to for more than two sentences. Rose's the blonde one reading a book behind the counter. She’s my coworker. " Sollux's turned his head for a second to see who's Feferi talking about. It gave her an idea.

„Hey, I just thought of something. Some girls from our and boys from your dorm are organizing a party this Saturday. Come with me, you've clearly been lacking on the socializing front and it's betta to meet people rather than make me describe them."

”No. Absolutely not. I am really not interested into meeting a bunch of people I won’t care about, and my moods have been worse lately. So no. ” He tried to scowl, but, even if she knew him only for a couple of hours, Feferi could see that he kinda did want to go. It was as confusing as it could get.

„Come on, you don’t even try! I am shore it’s going to be great!”

„The answer’s still a no…” he said, his face scrunched up in concentration. “But, I think I have another idea. Let’s have lunch - us, Karkat, Nepeta, and one or two people you wish to invite and me. I’ll manage it much better. I mean, even now, with the only anti-anxiety pills which don’t dull my psionics, it’s damn fucking hard for me to be relaxed.” Feferi hadn’t noticed that before, but she took a closer look. He was really twitchy and restless with his fingers and a small spark of psionics shot out of his horns every now and then, despite how at ease his face looked. _Wow. He needs a moirail to help him with that. Unless he has one already, but he said nothing about one._

And, she had to admit that lunch was a good idea, even she would prefer if she could bring him to the party. Still, with everything Sollux told her, she did need to take it into account.

„OK, but you still need to get out more and I’ll make you do it even if I had to poke you with my trident to the destination.”

„Don’t count on it.” Sollux said as he opened his husktop, which appeared to be very fast as it loaded in five seconds. „You have Trollian, right? What’s your handle?”

„cuttlefishCuller”

He typed a bit before replying: „Mine’s twinArmageddons and now I added you to my contacts.” and closing the husktop again, this time packing it instead of just leaving on the side. „It’s kind of late, I have classes and, probably, you too. So, I guess... bye?”

„Goodbye.” Feferi said as she stood up. „I can’t wait to see you again!” She waved at him, and left the cafe.

As Feferi walked alone to her room on the second floor of the girls dorm, the chill of the night and the light breeze didn’t affect her. She felt different inside, fluttery and nervous, and she wasn’t sure why. Since she wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery, she’d have to talk with Nepeta. Good thing that girl has usually been awake for half the night since Feferi didn’t think she could wait another day.

\--------------------------------

Feferi recounted everything to Nepeta down to every detail she remembered when she came back to her room, from Sollux’s rudeness even down to his black T-shirt with the yellow Gemini sign on it. It was weird how she had remembered details like that; and the more she talked, the more details like that she remembered, the larger her smile grew. Nepeta smiled too at listening to that, practically bouncing on the pile she made on her bed. When Feferi finished, she waited to hear what Nepeta thought of it all.

She was surprised, instead, by Nepeta jumping of her bed and hugging her fiercely, her voice barely contained: „This is awesome! I am so happy for you!”

„Uhmmm, what?”

„This is so awesome! I have the _cutest_ picture in mind for it, just give me a day to make it--” She stopped talking, seeing Feferi’s confused look.

„Seriously?” Nepeta asked, half-breaking out of the embrace, a shifty look in her eyes. „You spent so much time with meow and you can’t even notice the signs? Come on! You’ve heard me rant about ships so many times!”

„Wait. Are you saying...?” Feferi broke into a wide smile. „Yes, you are saying that! I--”

„...have a _flush-crush_ on Sollux Captor!” offered Nepeta happily.

Feferi hugged her back fully and spun her around the room, happy like a damselfish. Feeling like this was new, strange, great. She let herself imagine them together, all the long chats they were gonna have; sitting beside him as he would be working magic on his husktop; the photographs she would take of them and put all the filters; taking of his shirt, first feeling the warm skin beneath...

Nepeta exploded with laughter, shaking Feferi’s trail of thought off. „You have the most ridiculous, sappy grin I’ve ever seen! That’s counting me when I was really into Karkat!”

Feferi was the one laughing now, remembering one particular Trollian video-call where Nepeta might as well as have been drunk on sopor slime with how flush-struck she was.

It also made her think of something else. She stopped laughing, cursing herself for not thinking about that possibility at all.

„What’s wrong?” Nepeta asked, eyebrow raised.

„What if he didn’t really like me? I mean, what if he was just kinda super polite cause I put him on the spot and ugh!”

„Feferi, stop! I did not get that vibe at all! I am actually pretty sure he likes you too!” she replied, sounding 100% sure of herself.

„You think so?”

„My cat love senses never fail! Come on, Fef, you’ll see!” She gave a friendly punch to Feferi’s shoulder which made Feferi smile. „And I can take care of that lunch so you only have to concentrate on Sollux. It’ll all end up great!”

 _She’s right. It’s going to be good, even if Sollux doesn’t see me like that._ Feferi hugged Nepeta again, thankful she was there to reassure her. _And I thought Sollux needed a moirail! It would be so cool if Nepeta could be one for me but Equius got her first. Oh, well. He certainly needs Nepeta more than I do._

„And thanks for offering to make the lunch happen, but I’ll--”

Nepeta cut her off, still smiling. „Just take care of Sollux and I’ll take care of the rest.”

„Okay.” Feferi said, as if out of breath. „Thanks.”

„I’ll send some texts to see who’ll want to come, so don’t worry about it!”

„I wouldn’t dream of it.” Feferi yawned. „I guess I’ll go to bed. My classes start so early tomorrow...”


	2. New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lunch thingy happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Songs:  
> James Blunt - Bonfire Heart - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1j1qwQQ8-Q  
> God Is An Astronaut - Fragile - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh8QtCO-wQ4

„Although the lesson today will mostly be centered around the study of history color photography and the difference in semiotics between itself and black-and-white photography, we’ll start it by refreshing our memory on one historic term that is important to understanding our passion for photography - daguerreotypes. Or updateing, as is the case for our troll members.” said Anthony Blackwell, the portly, middle-age professor, without malice. He held up a large monochrome photograph showing an old curving street and its surroundings. „This is the first ever photo taken by the Daguerrian process by Charles Daguerre in 1838. Does someone here know what the Dagguerrian process is?”

A mousy-looking girl called Anissa, who Feferi knew only by name because they shared some class, responded: „It is the first ever publicly announced photographic process and the most popular one for the next two decades after it was first presented. It gave portraits a sharp, reflective style, like a mirror, which was the source of its popularity.”

„That is correct, miss Wagner, thank you. The first daguerreotype is a historic mark of great importance - it was the first time humans could „capture” snippets of nature with a rather inexpensive and fast process. Of course, even after only a couple of years, that process had been improved time and time again until today, where relatively small devices like our smartphones can capture decent-quality photographs and even use filters to have them look in different styles.” He paused for a bit. Feferi saw he was very enthusiastic about the subject and felt her draw to learn about photography increase even more than before. On Alternia, she could never get a better answer than: „Photographs are this. They are useful. That is all you need to know.”

Here, she could explore about it, and not just about it! There weren’t many restrictions at all! The Honeynet, or the Internet(so weird) as the humans called it, was completely free and she could actually use it without any barriers and restrictions. It was so liberating!

She continued to listen to professor Blackwell like she was a grub first time in a schooling block - intently and with awe, absorbing absolutely everything. When he gave them the assignment to go over today’s lesson from the textbook, she started reading diligently.

Her phone buzzed lightly just as she finished reading through the chapter. Feferi smiled. Several rapid-fire messages came from Sollux on Trollian. Now that she was done with reading, she supposed she could spend a minute or two to check what he sent. Not that she’d have done it anyway or anything.

TA: 2up, Feferii.  
TA: IIm wiith Nepeta and KK in front of the college, were ju2t waiting for you and Kanaya too 2how up.  
TA: Apparently, Kanaya2 bringing a human along, 2ome giirl called Ro2e.  
TA: The human giirl al2o 2ugge2ted some pizza joint downtown for lunch, 2o were going there cau2e iit2 great and 2hit.  
TA: II2 that cool?  
CC: OF COURS-E! IT SOUNDS AW-ESOM-E! I AM -EXCIT------ED!  
CC: My class will be done soon so you won’t need to wait for me long 38D! TA: Cool. We’ll be waiitiing.

_Awesome. This is shaping up to be really great! Who’s the human girl Kanaya invited? It will be great to meet her! And Sollux! Oh, I can’t wait to see him again._

She could the class leave now, but she preferred to stay until the lecture ended, especially one as cool as this. On the other hand, waiting wasn’t the most exciting thing to do, and there was Sollux waiting too.

Feferi decided to go outside, along with several other people leaving. She had read the chapter, after all.

\---------------------

Feferi saw them almost immediately. Sollux was there, in his plain grey sweater with his sign, jeans, and awesome blue-and-red shades, leaning on a park table. Feferi’s thoughts raced like tunas fleeing from sharks, and she could feel herself blushing. _Wow, clam down, Feferi. Don’t do anything to ruin it today! Just, take it easy, and it’ll be fine._ She took a deep breath, and continued walking.

„Hey guys.” Feferi said, feeling better. She waved at the group before she got to them. „Sorry to keep you all waiting!”

„Eh, it’s fine. I wasn’t about to strangle KK or anything.” replied Sollux. It almost sounded like a joke.

„If you took a timeless minute more, Feferi, I swear I would have filleted Sollux’s slitherbeast brain, if he had one in the impenetrable dark void of the bony fuckery that is his skull.” said Karkat loudly. Nepeta was surpressing laughter, and Feferi too. Karkat really lived up to his name. His swears were just so creative.

„Now, is that a way to make first impression of our race to humans?” asked Kanaya, who just arrived, surprising Karkat.

„Oh, I don’t mind.” spoke a kind of familiar voice. Feferi took a better look at Kanaya’s companion and recognized Rose as her coworker at the coffee shop. „I find it quite interesting, in all honesty. You’ll find it rare amongst humans to find creative enough and brazen enough to fling such insults so easily.”

Kanaya looked surprised for a second. She seemed to want to comment something about it, but, instead, said only: „I believe we have introductions to make.” She gestured at Rose and said:

„Everyone, this is Rose Lalonde. Rose, Karkat is the small guy in the boring black sweater(„Hello, human!”), Sollux is the tall guy in the boring grey sweater(„Hi, I guess.), Nepeta is the small girl in a green coat and blue cat paraphernalia(Hi! It’s so nice to meet you!), and Feferi is the small girl with the multi-colored skirt and a lot of jewerly.” Feferi was about to say „Hi!”, Rose, who looked at her with recognition, spoke:

„I believe we already know each other, in a way. You are the barista I relieve to do my night shift, right?”

„Yup. I’m so glad to really meet you!”

„And I share the sentiment.” she replied warmly.

„That makes things easier.” said Kanaya. „Shall we go?”

„Yesss! This cat is starving!” said Nepeta, irritated, and she made a noise Feferi recognized as purring(which she first heard on Earth). Sollux and Karkat just shrugged while Kanaya nodded in agreement.

The restaurant was thankfully near the campus, just a couple of blocks south of it. Rose said she had been there a few times when she visited Seattle and was itching to explore if the highest rated hipster pizza joint was that good. The awesome thing was, she really found it that good!

Entering in looked awesome too! Half-filled with people, it had an Earth-like homey feeling, all polished wood of several shades of brown everywhere, from the chairs and tables to the counter and everything. Maybe they’d let her take a few pictures and she could put them in her Earth-themed portfolio.

They sat in the corner at one of the bigger tables which could fit them. The waiter arrived immediately, looking at Feferi and the other trolls with a raised eyebrow, though he still handed out the menus politely. It took a bit to order since every single pizza seemed delicious to order(although without any Alternian ingredients), but they settled on two jumbo pizzas, a vegan one for Rose(several vegetables, peppers, oregano and vegan parmesan) which Kanaya and Nepeta wished to try out, while Karkat, Sollux and Feferi would share a more standard pizza(pepperoni, bacon, oregano and chilli).

When the waiter left, Feferi immediately asked: „How’s college for everyone? I really really like it so far, the whole photography class is awesome, especially the professor.” It seemed like a good question to break the ice since they mostly weren’t that familiar with each other. Feferi only really knew Nepeta, which was definitely not a state of things she liked!

Nepeta was also the first one to respond. „I really like it too! I didn’t even know what major I should choose, and I had to choose one to come to Earth, and I was really surprised something like dancing could be a major, so I took it! And it’s really great!”

While Rose and Kanaya looked at her, probably surprised(Feferi and Karkat knew that already), it was Sollux who said: „What!? No way a university would have a major for dancing?!” He immediately typed like a stereotypical hacker in his phone before he raised his head and said: „Holy shit!”

„It’s true.” spoke Rose evenly. „I was a bit surprised as well when I was looking at the available choices, but I immediately connected that, given that this is probably the most liberal state in the US, it is just a completely normal thing here.”

„Hell yes it is!” piped in Nepeta. „And we are a small group and everyone’s so cool there and we have enough space to practice! You should watch us some time!”

„As if we’d waste time watching other people shake their limbs like dead, twitchy lusii!” Karkat said, or as close to not yelled as was possible for him, while Nepeta just laughed.

„I would love to go and see you in action, Nepeta! Tell me later when your classes are exactly.” said Feferi. Nepeta gave her a small nod.

„Aren’t some of your favourite romcoms you made me watch dancing musicals?” asked Sollux pointedly, which got him a „Fuck you!” from Karkat and laughter from the rest of the group.

„And what is it you’re going to college for?” asked Rose Karkat.

„I am studying the fine art of movie making. I can barely comprehend how actually competently you humans can teach it while your films are dumber than a sick grub fresh out of the caverns and have relationships as messy as a battlefield after Threshecutioners arrive on it to do their fucking job!”

„And you are well educated in that regard, I take it?” Rose replied.

„Alternian films are the pinnacle of culture.” he started, „You have never known the greatness of watching a movie like ‘ _A Tale Of A Ordinary Troll Male Who Becomes Instantly Besotted With A Pretty Troll Female At First Sight Despite Her Eccentricities And Stated Avoidance Of Clearly Defined Concupiscent Relationships That Leads To A Brief Romance Cut Short After Several Arguments Which Then Leads The Troll Male To Come To Terms With His Heartbreak--_ ’

For a bit, it was obvious to Feferi that Sollux was holding back from laughing at Karkat, but, the moment he started laughing in his raspy way, he couldn’t hold back any more. Feferi, too, found it very funny, and Kanaya and Nepeta obviously did too.

„Holy shit, Karkat! When you go on about the greatnes of Alternian cinematography, you could at least start with something else than one of the cheesiest movies ever made!”

Now everyone was trying not to laugh as Karkat turned red like a clawbeast. He was about to retort, probably with another one of what Feferi now recognized as his usual quality insults, but they have been brought their pizzas. Awesome, delicious pizzas, still hot from the oven. She tried a slice.

„This pizza.” Feferi said ecstatically, savoring every bite. „If I could somehow bring these cooks, or at least their recipe, to Alternia, it would be amazing!”

„It would be a pizza revolution back home!” said Nepeta.

„It’s a damn good pizza, yeah, but not even a juggalo with shitty hoofbeast paint performing magic tricks 1 sweep old’s could see through could make it better than the classic „Killing Spree” pizza, served in only the best joints on planet.” said Karkat.

„You have not even tried it once, Karkat!” shot back Nepeta.

„Not only have I tried it more than the zero amount, my review on _best-alternian-pizza-vote.alt_ is shinier than those „edgy” claws of yours!”

Sollux got into the debate too, and Feferi sighed. It was irritating how out of hand it got in less than a minute. She resigned herself to listening to it, regretting she kind of started it in the first place. _Though arguing really suits Sollux_ , Feferi thought.

„I have entered in a double major - psychology and creative writing. I find the matters of mind terribly interesting, so following in Freud’s footsteps seemed like a natural thing to do.” Rose said to Kanaya. Feferi was as uninterested in the pizza debate as them two(however much she preferred the human one), but she pretended to pay attention to it cause it was obvious they both wanted to talk as privately as possible.

„And who is this Freud human?” asked Kanaya. „A famous... psychologist, if that’s how you pronounce it?”

„One of the most famous ones, Kanaya. Of course, now that they have all the „modern science” and „better grasp of the mind”, they are trying to discredit all of his research, even the Oedipus complex, but I am on a mission to prove them wrong! Wrong, I say!”

„But, why does that upset you? Shouldn’t all sciences advance?” asked Kanaya again, obviously very interested in the topic.

„If they are proven to be correct, I’d have to rewrite at least half of my writing and lose the term ‘Freudian slips’. That simply will not do.” Kanaya laughed at that. „You will have to teach me all about psychology and Freud then. My chosen major, fashion, does not concern itself with such interesting matters.”

„Oh, so you wish to be a designer?” asked Rose.

„Quite so. It has become somewhat of a Maryam family tradition by now. Each of us has design outfits for ourselves to wear; The one I am wearing right now is one of the simplest ones and one I am most fond of.”

„You are quite talented then.” said Rose(with everyone agreeing excitedly), looking at the flowing, long, red skirt and a snug, simple black sweater with Kanaya’s sign on it in a, Feferi figured, appreciative way. „Would you be willing to work pro bono to make one for me or would I have to hire your services?”

„I’m sure we will figure something out.” replied Kanaya hastily, a bit green around her cheeks. Feferi didn’t need Nepeta’s shipping instincts to see that Rose said that just to make Kanaya laugh or that they were starting to really like each other. If Nepeta doesn’t draw them under the ‘OTP Matespriteships’ on her shipping wall, Feferi might have to do it herself. _I can already see her fics about them. They’ll be so cuuute!_

Feferi suddenly realized she was lost in her thoughts and didn’t pay attention to the conversation. Sollux shot her an amused look, then returned to say something about slamming the movies Karkat recommended him to watch. „Why did I ever think watching a film titled „ _Rainbow Drinker Cannot Use Supernatural Psychic Abilities On Troll Maiden And Without Ability To Enter His Cocoon Begins To Observe Her In Her Respiteblock Eventually Giving In And Drinking Her Beautiful Blue Blood While She Develops A Reciprocal Attraction And Eventually Allows Him To Drink Her Blood Because She Believes This Will Be Conducive To Future Pail Filling And Meanwhile Young Troll Who Commonly Moves About Horizontally Falls In Love But Has No Chance_ ” was a good idea in any thenthe of the word.

It was Kanaya, surprisingly, who said: „That was actually a rather decent movie. I didn't think it was your type, Karkat.” Sollux just shook his head, muttering something under his breath, and Karkat said nothing, looking surprised.

„Wait. Can you repeat the title again?” asked Rose. Kanaya swiftly repeated it, and Rose threw her head backwards, laughing. „Oh. My. God. You have a goddamn Twilight movie. How do Troll Edward Cullen and Troll Kristen Stewart horns looks like? Do they get in the way of their totally unsubtle romantic interactions? You must borrow me a copy! I have to watch it some time.” Karkat immediately reached into his pockets and threw her a small portable device, while Rose looked at him questioningly, both eyebrows raised. All of a sudden, it took Feferi a lot not to start laughing.

„You’ll find that, and other pieces-of-art-movies, there. Enjoy exploring that mouth-wateringly awesome collection, and if you don’t return the device when I ask for it I will make sure to blow up your bulge-sucking husktop.”

„I will keep that in mind.” Rose took out a pack of something, which turned out to be cigarettes, and asked: „Do you all mind? I’d like to light one.” Feferi found smoking a weird habit, but she had no problem with it. No one else said anything to disagree so Rose lit one up.

„Do you like the major you took, Sollux?” asked Nepeta.

„Yeah, I guess I do.” he replied. „It’s more oriented toward suckers like Karkat, so I am mostly doing my own thing and sometimes help the occasional idiot. Maybe I could ask to do some more advanced stuff, but I am still exploring the systems humans have built. It keeps me occupied.”

„You seem like the kind of person who’d also enjoy a good video game.” said Rose. Sollux’s face lit up.

„Holy shit, yes! Your games are actually complex! It’s not grub’s play and just kill kill kill, you have to think. I’m really liking them.” Feferi looked at him curiously, smiling. He still looked a bit uncomfortable and twitchy, but like he was okay here, not that distressed. _And I know something new about him now! Yes!_

Beside her, Kanaya was saying to Nepeta that Karkat and Sollux have terrible fashion sense. Feferi mostly tuned their little talk out, concentrating on the conversation between Sollux and Rose.

„Well, we do have plenty of those. I have a lot of friends much more into them than I, and they could give you much better recommendations. I can only advise as far as some horror or story driven games go, or if you like board games too.”

„Just send it all to me later. I’ll give you my mail or something.” He was smiling the whole conversation, which was the longest Feferi saw him doing so.

„Not a problem. I hope you’ll be satisfied.” she said. Sollux nodded.

„Hey, um. It has become kind of late and while this has been amazing, I must go over the study material I have for tomorrow.” said Kanaya, sounding tired. Feferi agreed in hopes she could to steal a couple of moments alone with Sollux.

„What in the- it’s 6 already? Shit, I have a class to get to! See you later, cretins!” yelled Karkat, barely taking all of his stuff(if Nepeta hadn’t said: „Hey, don’t forget your phone!” he might have left it) before paying for his part and hurriedly rushing out of the pizza joint.

„Yeah, I guess we should go.” said Sollux, putting his own money on the table.

„Wait!” Feferi cried. „We need to do something first.” She took out her phone and arranged them all so they could take some epic selfies. Everyone complimented her on her mad selfie skills(except for the missing Karkat), as was her photographers due.

They paid for the pizzas(with Feferi giving a big tip) and went outside. The moment they were outside, the sun already kinda low, Rose asked:

„Kanaya, there’s a place I think you’d like that I wish to show you. Will you come?”

„Hmmm. I do need to go over my course material, though.” replied Kanaya.

„Do you have your books with you?”

„Yes, I do.”

„Then you can do that there. It’ll be fine” she said, smiling widely. Kanaya said, after a bit of considering:

„Alright then. Goodbye Nepeta, Sollux, Feferi. This was great. We should do it again soon.”

„I totally agree! We must!” said Feferi and Nepeta at the same time. Feferi looked at Nepeta, then started giggling together.

„See you later!” said Sollux to Kanaya and Rose, shaking his head at the other two girls. Feferi laughed even harder at that.

When they finally stopped laughing(which was difficult because Sollux refused to stop shaking his head), Nepeta said, looking at Sollux and Feferi:

„I have to run, I promised Equius I’ll update him on everything soon. Bye Fef, Sollux!” After a brief, strong hug, she shot off, leaving Feferi and Sollux alone(finally!). They started walking back to campus.

„That was something.” he said in a deadpan. His red and blue shades glimmered from the sun.

„It certainly was.” she replied. „Hey, how come you said nothing about liking video games? I liked even the ones from home! They were exciting!”

Sollux looked at her questioningly. „You are shitting me! Those are garbage!”

„Then you can show me some that are not garbage! I want to see those!” He smirked.

„I’ll send you some trailers first, then. Do you have a decent husktop? Some games have really high requirements to play.”

„I don’t know. Probably yes, because I bought it before I got here and it was expensive, but you understand that stuff better than I do.” Feferi did not use her old husktop much on Alternia, mostly just to chat with her friends. However, when she was going to Earth, she thought she might need a new, better one, so she bought the one the catalogue said was really good and cost enough for her to be sure that was true.

„I’ll tell you how to find the specs so I can check them tomorrow.”

„Yes! Awesome! And ask Rose’s friends if there are games that can be played by several people! There are those, right?” she asked uncertainly, and Sollux laughed.

„Sure as shit there are, though I heard only of a couple of them.” He yawned like a shark about to bite something, his twin sets of fangs so cool and long and probably menacing.

„I’ll talk to you later, Feferi.” he said, pointing at his dorm. If she was aware of how fast they were going, she would have slowed a bit. Or thought of somewhere to go. Damn being bubbly and flush-struck if she couldn’t keep a bit of her wits about her near Sollux.

“Bye!” Feferi said, watching until he was inside, and let out a big sigh.

When she got back to her room, her husktop had a nice surprise waiting for her.

TA: II gue22 ii owe you 2ome traiiler2 to check out. TA: And II kiinda want to keep talkiing wiith you TA: 2o you’ll have to put up wiith me all niight.

Feferi grinned at the yellow text, happier than she ever remembered being.

CC: I t)(ink I’d love t)(at 38D.


	3. A Cultural Exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some inter-species exchanges happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter songs:  
> Camera Obscura - Suspended from Class - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuRN7tX9zcM  
> Oasis - Wonderwall - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DvRCykzHy4

„Will you now, after a reasonable amount of time, tell me where we are going, Rose?” asked Kanaya, eyeing the entrance to the university building.

„Certainly. We’re going to the university roof garden.” said Rose as she opened the the entrance.

„What? I remember being explicitly forbidden for anyone but botany students to go there, Rose.” Kanaya did not like the idea of getting into easily avoidable trouble, the same trouble she could discern in Rose’s violet eyes and amused smile. She still followed Rose as she went to the elevators.

„Believe me, Kanaya, if going there was not feasible we’d already be somewhere else.” Rose entered the elevator, pressed the button to the topmost floor, and leaned on the metal wall inside. „The first time I was there, I asked one of the botany students if I could stay a bit, despite the ‚no allowance rule’. He said the rule was just to keep the garden from being overrun, and that they don’t mind the occasional visitor, as long as they don’t make trouble or spread the word. Obviously, if that person chose to tell everyone, the faculty administration would actually have to enforce the rule.”

„That’s not very reassuring. You just told me.”

„Yes. But I can tell you are not a troublemaker. It’s transparent, really. We’ll be fine.” Kanaya nodded, unsure if it was the right course of action. From some accidentally found pictures, each roof garden on them looked fantastic, and it was rare for a human to be so interested in troll culture to want to bring one to discuss it in such a place. Weird lumps of excitement formed inside her, threatening to become something more, like slowly modeled clay sculpture.

The elevator arrived to their destination. Still somewhat apprehensive, Kanaya followed Rose up the last stairs to the roof garden.

It was quite a sight to see.

Grey stone-paved paths criss-crossed between the meticulously placed greenery inside low wood-walled segments, filled with various mid-tall Earthern trees, many types of shrubbery, and a very unique section of flowers which followed some sort of a color code - violet colored Phloxes and Verbenas were planted near more exotic earthen jade flowers, while red flowers like Zinnias and blue ones of all shades had their own little worlds.

„Now that you’ve thoroughly taken in the sight these last five minutes, shall we sit down somewhere?” Kanaya snapped her eyes to Rose, sensing heat on her cheeks. Rose’s amused smile looked more genuine, like she was not entertaining her human sarcasm at the moment.

„That would be a good idea. Can we sit on the grass? I don’t see any benches, after all.”

„We can.”

„All right.” Rose was looking at her, unmoving from her spot, presumably leaving the choice to Kanaya.

„So, what do you wish to know about trolls?” Kanaya asked, settling herself against the smooth bark of the chosen tree, the late autumn sun beautifully framing the view she hoped she would get, from the tall, glass-paneled skyscrapers at the center of the city to the far off dark blue smudge of the ocean. Rose was inside the frame, too, her white-blond hair looking curiously orange-shaded in the wind, and her face is a bit obscured sans her unique violet eyes.

„Everything, or as much as you can plausibly tell me.” replied Rose.

„That is a great amount to tell.”

„Do not worry, I will ask you more precise questions.”

„I am waiting.” Kanaya would prefer if she didn’t have to. She very much wanted to hear what Rose would ask.

„How does Alternia look like? I found no information about it as I don’t have access to your internet and I can’t form any sort of picture of it.”

An interesting start. But, where to begin? „I think the first thing you need to know is that our sun is a much stronger star than yours. All trolls, except those of my blood colour, would be vaporized in the daylight from it. We do not know why my caste specifically has much higher resistance to its light.” Kanaya preemptively responded to Rose’s next question, who had started to ask it and who nodded satisfyingly at the answer. „Our lives are usually lead during nighttime, the pink pale light from one of the moons and dark green of the other giving enough light to comfortably see with our eyes. Yes, we have one pink and one green moon orbiting Alternia. As far as I know, we have more landmass in comparison to Earth, one bigger ocean instead of several smaller, and because of the sun’s strength, we have more arid areas and nothing approaching the ice caps of Earth’s poles. The arid areas are, most of the time, something between your western movies and true deserts, populated with species like crabstrosities an bicyclopses, which would reap terror on Earth, and undead beings which feed themselves by absorbing light. There are also dragons, which your cultures seem rightfully fascinated by, though they are more common to the more temperate climates, such as were I or Terezi live. Most of those areas have many old forests, and the rest resemble the steppes of the Earth. If not by us, they are populated by animals such as hoofbeasts, musclebeasts, great spiders, and many others. Feferi would probably talk your fins of about the aquatic life on Alternia. Our lusii guardians come from all those species. Mine, for example, was a Virgin Mother Grub.”

Kanaya took a pause to catch her breath. Rose was looking at her, her face resting on slender fingers, like she was enraptured in watching a wizard make a difficult, fantastic spell. In a minute, Kanaya continued, her sole audience still following closely her every word:

„We also have several sprawling cities, filled with skyscrapers and monuments and just regular houses and establishment, much like here. However, since all the adults have been... ‚banished’, so to say, to fuel the army for the conquests of Her Imperial Condescension, they are mostly unused and abandoned, with hordes of droids working on keeping them from falling apart. The cities, even our capital Beforus, are most in use as places to schoolfeed young trolls, to train them for the military, and some places for entertainment which are always overcrowded. That is it, there is not much else to say.”

Rose was silent for a while, presumably contemplating Kanaya’s words. „You painted a very weird, yet, khm, beautiful picture. I would be ecstatic to visit your planet.”

„That is not possible. Not only for yourself and all the humans, but for every troll on Earth. We are all adults by troll standards, and if we are recalled or if we go on our own back to one of our fleets, we’d be assigned a military position on a battleships. I would probably become a part of the terrorsurgeon corp, given my combat and healthtending skills.” Kanaya hated the thought of never returning to her home on Alternia with fury, but it would mean her death if she tried to go. She had her memories, like the garden-oasis filled with Alternian plants and prime examples of the topiary practice. Only, they were more infuriating than soothing.

„Your society is _that_ militaristic?”

„Yes, although it became such only after the last great rebellion against the Condesce a 193 sweeps, or 413 years ago.”

„Rebellion?”

„I do not know anything about it except that it happened. It is not something schoolfed to us.” Kanaya said, slightly disappointed she did not know more about it so she could share it.

„Oh.” Rose looked crestfallen as a child denied it’s favorite candy. She shrugged it of quickly, asking: „What about your educational system? Schoolfeeding system, I mean.”

„Rose, before I do explain that particular system, I would also like to ask you some questions, if I may.” After all, it wasn’t fair only Rose would benefit from something dubbed as a “cultural exchange”.

She smiled again for one short moment. „I was wondering when you’d think of that. It’s only fair. Ask away.”

„How do human families work? It seems like a very inefficient and overbearing system.”

Rose looked at Kanaya in surprise, raising her eyebrow as if Kanaya’s question was the “Really? That’s what you’re going to ask? Fine.”. She still replied politely: „It can be. But it is very varied amongst us. Some families are functional, some partly, some not at all. It is somewhat difficult to explain how they function.

Basically, with at least sexual attraction and activities, women can potentially give birth to a baby. The parents, or a parent if one of them leaves the family, act as sort of guardians and tutors to the child throughout their lives, ideally being supportive, helping, but still firm so the child, or children if they have conceive more than one child, don’t become spoiled. The bonds between the parents and children and children between children themselves, are often, though unfortunately not always, loving and protective, and families will go to many lengths to protect and help each other no matter what. You know that Dave Strider is my brother, no matter that he changed his last name? That previous statement of mine extends to him - even if he can be annoying and infuriating to the point of entertaining the notion to quietly get rid of him without anyone noticing, I would do anything for him, because he is my brother, and a good brother in the end. The situation is similar with Dirk, Roxy, John, Jade and Jane, even if they are *only* my cousins and my friends, but they might as well have been my siblings. I don’t know what else to mention. However, you must promise me not to tell anyone what I said about my relationships. I have the reputation of a ice-hearted temptress, and I do not wish to see it wrecked over some trifle words, however truthful they were.”

It was fascinating, both what Rose said and the way she talked, with a higher and lower voice when needed, exclaiming what she deemed necessary to exclaim, and rounding it off with her pleasant voice filled with her human sarcasm. Rose was definitely a good storyteller, and if Kanaya had assessed her correctly, her stories must be of some qualifty.

„You have my solemn promise that they will never be divulged.” Kanaya said seriously. “Now, if I gathered what you said correctly, parent-wriggler relationship is similar to troll-guardian relationship, except much stronger in most cases with some elements of moirailegiance, and the relationship between siblings pretty much is moirailegiance?”

Rose gave her the look of a very confused person lost in an unknown part of her city. „What is moirailegiance?”

„You do not know?”

„No.”

„Do you humans have quadrants?”

„What quadrants?”

Kanaya looked at Rose in shock, blinking a hundred times in a minute. She hadn’t had a lot of contact with humans, spending most of her time outside of class with her troll friends. It made this revelation all the more surprising, although she really should have expected it. The shock was soon replaced by curiousity, so much of it she felt like an excited wriggler designing it’s hive, as to what human romance consisted of. Kanaya hoped it was interesting enough for some very good romance novels. She also had to explain the quadrants to Rose to eliminate her confusion.

„By your confusion, I inferred your romance is not divided into four parts, but is achieved in a different way. While I would like to her what it consists of now, I will first explain our romantic quadrants.” Rose looked nothing short than utterly delighted. She must have been as confused and intrigued as Kanaya.

„In romance, we trolls are primarily driven by two emotions - pity and hate. That’s why we have two types of relationship - conciliatory and conscupient, which are also divided into two sub-types. Conscupient quadrants are flushed, or red romance, and kismesisstude, or black romance. The flushed quadrant is ‚reserved’ for matesprits, or romantic lovers, who are called matesprits. A kismesis, on the other hand, is a rival who you hate in a romantic way and who also become that troll’s lover, although in a hateful, sometimes painful, but fullfilling way. Those two quadrants, however can be interchanging, meaning flushed and black romantic feelings can substitute each other in either relationship.

Moirailegiance and auspisctism are the two conciliatory quadrants. A moirail is a troll’s partner in life, someone who balances the other troll in the relationship. They keep each other grounded, especially in a relationship between a more peaceful troll and a more dangerous troll.

An auspistice is a mediator or facilitator of a relationship, usually between a pair involved in black romance. If there is none or the troll is doing a poor job, black infidelity is the usual outcome, though it can happen that the pair takes things too far and one of them gets killed or worse. This type of feeling is unique in that it isn’t shared with the other people involved, but only the person doing the facilitating.

Also, flushed romance and moirailegiance are called redrom relationships, and kismesisstude and auspisticism are called blackrom relationships.”

„Is that it?” asked Rose. She looked like her thoughts raced a thousand miles a second, processing all the information Kanaya divulged to her..

„It is.” Kanaya explained it as best she could. Considering Rose was an alien to her, she might not have understood it all no matter how smart she proved herself to be.

„I cannot say this isn’t anything but completely strange for me. I can easily understand the ‚flushed’ romance, even moirailegiance, which, from what you told me, I see as something akin to platonic soul-mates. The black romances are the ones giving me trouble, though.”

„Oh?” They were pretty straightforward from Kanaya’s perspective.

„Although I don’t see why it is considered a romance, I understand the intent of an auspistice. But having a hate-lover whom you have hate-sex and hate-relationship with in general is just incomprehensible. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

„I might have explained myself badly, then.” Kanaya replied, blushing slightly. „The key part in a black relationship are the flaws in the person which infuriate you, and how you hate that they have those flaws which keep them from being a different, possibly better person. The other party also sees the same in you. That’s why there are at least some flushed feelings going alongside the black feelings.”

„That makes somewhat more sense. I still don’t think I, or any other human could hold any type of black relationship as a romance. Maybe one with serious anger management issues, or someone who is too polite to show their true feelings until they explode, and I don’t see it happening even in those cases.” It was disappointing that Rose was so serious in saying it. Healthy relationships of several types seemed like a nice balance to Kanaya, but perhaps humans needed no such thing.

„And how does _your_ romance work? I have not interacted with other humans a lot nor did I have the time to experience many of your artistic works except in fashion so I had not had the faintest idea it was different than ours.” said Kanaya, smiling widely. The mystery would soon be revealed, and she hoped it could match up to her species’ relationships.

„In all honesty, I find the concept of romance and love on Earth rather frivolous and to say I am not fond of it would be an understatement.” _Clearly so_ , Kanaya thought, _and I would like to know why_. “However, if I want to explain it to you, I have to use the generalized ideal version. There is also the love between siblings or family, but I’ve already covered that those are platonic only.

Humans have no quadrants. When we love another person, we give them everything in ourselves not expecting anything in return, but trust that they will do the same for us, whether we are bad or good, destructive or fulfilling, disabled or healthy.” She stopped for a second, a look of dissatisfaction appearing on her face. „Forgive me. Even saying that little as straight as I could was too much. No matter. If I can make an imperfect analogy to your system, we combine all those feelings you divide by four parts into an all-encompassing one, except for the hate-love part. I don’t know how to explain it better and still talk in layman terms. You’d have to experience it for yourself to understand it, if you end up being so unlucky. You may have seen it in our movies if you had the time, though that would have been a damningly poor substitute.”

Kanaya was the one now struggling to understand alien romance. No quadrants, or, rather, only one? A big pile of several feelings different as the two moons of Alternia clumped into one?

However alien it was, if one of the writers of her novels conceived such a thing, Kanaya would have become an ardent follower of that book (series). It’s originality would have been the work of a sheer genius.

„I am at a loss for words how fascinating I find this exchange. You will have to direct me to good books and movies for me to experience, or other media of your preference. If I can ask, do books about rainbow drinkers, or whatever the human equivalent of drinkers of blood are called, if there are any, exist? Those should top any list you make at a thus far undetermined future point.”

Rose’s amused smile returned. „Rainbow drinkers, you say? I imagine they are called like that because of your differing blood colors.” Kanaya nodded, feeling like her cheeks were swarmed by fire.

„We call them vampires. I must admit I also have a soft spot for them.” Rose replied, her tone indicating it was probably something of a guilty pleasure for her.

„Ah. I have almost forgotten.” Kanaya searched in her bag until she found the item. „I managed to register myself as a library user some time ago, but only now do I have some time to enjoy a book. I selected this one as I thought I saw some connection between vampires and rainbow drinkers.” she said, pulling the paperback edition of _Twilight_.

It was unfamiliar how funny it was to see another person go from politely inquisitive to shocked out of their depths. Kanaya rarely had the pleasure to incite it in someone.

What was more unfamiliar was how she noticed Rose’s eyes to slightly shine in her shock, contrasted by the waning sun.

„Out of all the books on vampires, you borrowed the most popular piece of trash in the world that I also like, putting me in a group consisting of idiotic teenage girls and screaming mi-middle aged women. And now you, when you read it.”

„It can not be that bad if you enjoyed it.” Rose shook her head quite vigorously.

„Oh no, Kanaya. It’s horrendous, all the more horrendous for how horrendously entertained I was when I read it.”

„Well then, if you have the time, would you read it with me?” It struck Kanaya that that idea, however pleasant it sounded in theory, might not have been the smartest to utter aloud. Or at all, as she did have coursework to go through.

Oh well. It could be done later.

„Now?”

„Yes.” she said, a chill passing through her.

Rose replied faster than Kanaya thought she would: „Might as well. I assume they have some night lights here, or we’ll soon have to find somewhere else to go.”

„Agreed. Can I ask you one short question before we begin?” It was a small thing in the back of her mind that had been bugging her since they met.

„I’m listening.”

„As I understand, you do not need to work at that coffee shop. Why do you do it then?”

Rose laughed, a pleasant, almost indulgent sound to hear. It died down far too soon as Rose settled beside her, near but not quite touching.

„It keeps me entertained. No, really.” she said, indignant at Kanaya’s huffing. “But, I do love it, mostly when I get a late-night shift. There’s almost no traffic at those hours, and I love that I, for all intents and purposes, get paid to study, which is something every student should experience and it happens so rarely.” Rose stopped, a solemn expression suddenly setting over her.

“I imagine that, on Alternia, it would be double the experience.”

Kanaya looked into Rose’s beautiful eyes for a full minute, realizing it wasn’t a sarcastic barb dramatically delivered at her.

„Yes, I imagine it would be.” she replied warmly, opening _Twilight_ on its first chapter.


	4. A Wounded Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter songs:  
> Linkin Park - What I’ve Done - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sgycukafqQ  
> Lost Frequencies - Are You With Me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjHMDlAPMUw

The roll 14 was just good enough to let Cenarius, Dirk’s character, ensnare the bandits in thick, spiky vines. Dirk gave a ghost of a smile to the other party members - Jake, Roxy and Jane - who now had the easy job of finishing the bandits that were barring their way on this „mysterious forest” quest.

The smile didn’t last for long when he glanced over Jake.

_I should be over this by now. I should be over Jake fucking English._

Dirk resumed his poker face, ignoring the pointed look Roxy gave him. Fortunately, the other party - Dave, John, Jade - screwed up pretty badly, ending up dead, so the everyone’s focus was on them. They were going to have to wait for Dirk’s team to rez them, but, until then, they had nothing to do *except* enjoy the party. Dave faux-complained about Rose, which spiraled into a quick succession of light-hearted jabs - Dirk dished out one to Dave - before the still living party continued playing.

They had their own ruin to explore, after all.

Alerion, Jake’s character, led the way for their party. Dirk wished he hadn’t. In fact, he wished he wasn’t in the 500 miles radius near Jake. He almost pulled out of coming to the party they had been planning for forever because he really didn’t want to be around Jake. It was Roxy who kept talking him out of doing so. Her words, sent in exquisite pink, immediately jumped to his mind and brought up by his special shades.

TG: Dirk, you absholutly have to go  
TG: absolutely*  
TG: Whatever your feelings for him are, you care about him.  
TG: and your still friends  
TG: you’r*  
TG: you’re**  
TG: u won’t be able to avoid him forever  
TG: just talk to him  
TG: already  
TG: it would sucks major dick ass if u woldn go  
TG: wouldn’t*

Dirk guessed those words were meant to be comforting. They definitely succeeded at that. Definitely. Nothing short of comforting like a smuppet pile.

He went anyway.

The party had been, as any sane person would say in an objective way, as awesome as finding out you won the presidential election even though you were a motherfucking clown. All of his friends being in the same place, playing board games, drinking (except Jane), bickering and bantering like a strange pack. There was even dancing, with John and Roxy leading on that front(Although it looked much more friendly than romantically, which Dirk guessed wasn’t surprising. Their thing would have ended sooner or later, which Dirk knew why thanks to an inside source). Dirk almost felt whole. The only problem was...

He made a wound in the group because he hurt Jake, and he didn’t know how to mend that, if he could mend it at all.

So far, he managed, thank fuck, to escape from any awkward situations that might have arisen between him and Jake. There had been no instances where he was alone with him in a conversation, as was part of his absolutely perfect plan for the night. His plan also included his Standard Humor(TM), ironic spiels, and sticking to it like a sleeping 13-year-old to Lil Cal.

The pain he caused and carried inside simply didn’t exist for the night.

_Well, with that thousand times repeated introspection out of the way, maybe I should give my whole focus on being actually present where I am. Maybe even work up the courage to talk to Jake at all._

„We’re really wrecking it, oh boy!” said Jake when Alerion finished his rampage against another, smaller group of bandits.

_Or I could just shut the fuck up and keep up with my own shit as long as possible. Goddamit._

„You had a pretty easy road for now, Jake. Don’t get cocky.” said Rose, completely deadpan as if she didn’t know precisely what she said.

„Give us everything then, my fellow DM. Alerion certainly doesn’t fear to stand in the face of utmost danger, same as me.”

„Don’t encourage her, Jake!” chimed in Jane.

„Oh, I don’t need encouragement. I was about to do that anyway.” She proceeded to do so while Roxy and Jane exploded in laughter - several high-level traps awaited them on their quest with a few puzzles that were more complicated than they looked at first and some pretty strong bosses. Dirk tagged along with his character half-heartedly, doing just about enough to help his group finish the quest well enough and get back to Dave, Jade and John’s flappy, desiccated character corpses lying in a graveyard on the other side of the region. He decided to take a break (Rose kindly offered to let his character sleep in the stable of a nearby inn) and go to the balcony alone, beer in hand, ignoring Dave’s and Roxy’s pointed looks.

It was an unusually warm night - Dirk didn’t feel cold dressed only in his tank top, and the cigarette smoke was barely visible. He supposed he should feel a bit better now that he was alone, but it didn’t. The only solution was to talk to the one person he couldn’t talk to right no-

„Dirk?” spoke a voice behind his back, surprising Dirk enough to drop his cigarette. Oh shit.

„Oh. Hi, Jake.” he replied with an only _slightly_ shaky voice, turning around to see Jake fully. Man, he looked amazing, even just in plain jeans, _Tomb Raider_ t-shirt and green jacket. _Stop thinking about how fucking hot he is, man. Shit has gotten real and you’re ignoring it._

„Are you quite alright, Dirk?”

„Yeah.” Dirk said, adding unnecessary emphasis to it by nodding rather quickly. Several times. And scratching the back of his neck. Completely natural things to do, yes.

„Not to say that you aren’t being a right honest gentleman right now, but I don’t think you are being truthful.” Fuck.

„So you are calling me right dishonest devil then?”

Jake laughed at that. It didn’t sound like a happy laugh, though, or the comment would have induced a state ranked as „euphoria” in Dirk.

„I would say I am.” He was quiet for a while, his face so obviously showing that he wanted to say something. Dirk regretted for a second that he trained his blank face well - he was pretty sure he would mirror Jake’s expression. If he was superhumanly synesthetic, he would have been able to taste how fucking awkward this was.

„I forgive you!” said Jake suddenly, going completely red in his face. Dirk didn’t even start to understand Jake’s words when he continued: „Uh... Dirk. I have been wracking my thick skull around what happened. It was a real mess, frankly, to which my daftness and obstinacy contributed greatly.” Jake stepped closer to Dirk, who just stood there, numb as a rock.

„Shucks buster, I believe I owe _you_ an apology for being a dunk-headed cretin for not talking to you about what I felt and...” he trailed off, his mouth arched in a grimace as if he couldn’t get anything more out, his eyes full of uncertainty.

Dirk closed the little distance between them and looked up into Jake’s green eyes. What Jake said... it went through him, leaving devastation and relief in its wake. It was enough to let him formulate sketches of a plan (his first clear plan since he arrived in Seattle) of how he was going to deal with this with himself.

He had something to say first.

„Jake... There is nothing you have to apologize for. I was the one who screwed the fuck up, not you. And I don’t think I can forgive myself, not yet.”

Jake looked at Dirk with what Dirk could only call sadness, which was so strange to see on his usually smiling face. He was surprised when Jake positively smothered him in a hug. _Comfortably_ smothered in, to be precise.

„I believe that is fine, Dirk.” Jake whispered.

They stayed like that for just a minute before they broke the embrace. Everything was still awkward, but Dirk could see ways to work around it.

„Just be less awkward around us now, Dirk? That would be mighty fine, old chap.” _Goddamit Jake. How dare you make me facepalm on the inside for being such an adorable goof after making me go through such a rollercoaster?_

„I’ll do my utter fucking best.” Dirk replied, clapping Jake on the back. “Come on, let’s get back inside before they start muttering how we started engaging in the carnal of acts in view of the whole world.”

They went back to the party together, side by side. Dirk couldn’t hide the small smile he had from his friends. When he sat down on the floor at his place and lit a cigarette, noticing all the quiet little looks and smiles directed at him while they all resumed the game(Apparently, Jane had enough mana to rez Dave, Jade and John), he finally felt like a part of a whole instead of a thorny splinter. His piece was still cracked, though, and Dirk knew he didn’t make full amends yet, particularly to Jake, but it was there, at least.

He would have to do something about that later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the characters that I imagine the beta and alpha kids making for their D&D game, at least with first time playing together:  
> Rose GM  
> John - Ferion the Trickster - Wizard(Spec - Illusion)  
> Dave - Tim Bob - Fighter(Spec - Eldritch Knight)  
> Jade - Triana Rey - Huntress(Spec - Beast Master)  
> Jane - Shiani Aspera - Cleric(Spec - Way of Life)  
> Roxy - Lilly ‘Snuggles’ Mabel - Rogue(Spec - Thief)  
> Dirk - Cenarius Stormrage - Druid(Spec - Druid of the Land)  
> Jake - Alerion Themar - Paladin(Spec - Devotion)


	5. Of Avian Messengers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John "challenges" Karkat to a movie-off. Dave is the tag-along to those shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, because I forgot and I shouldn't have, a huge shoutout to Roseandrecords for being an awesome beta reader, and you should check out everything she has posted here on ao3 xD
> 
> Chapter songs:  
> Architecture in Helsinki - Contact High - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxjcszKEcHE  
> Goldfish - Get Busy Living - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cjwoit91SxU

When Karkat selected „film studies” as his major, he hoped he would actually fucking learn something. Sure, the humans had some *decent* movies, despite the appaling lack of the quadrant system, and were *slightly* better in the technical department.

Why the fuck did he have to learn all about their miserable, pathetic movie history? Ugh. He wished to tear his gander bulbs out with every second longer he spent in the class. Getting culled over his blood colour on Alternia by a giant axe-wielding treshecutioner would have been better than suffering through this.

At least he had only one more class to go to, which was exactly where he went no matter how much he wanted to just say „screw this shitbeast” and ditch it to find his friends. Sociology or whatever the fuck was this class called, was somewhat interesting, so the day might not be completely wasted if he attended it.

If only he didn’t have to put up with the John Egbert human during it. Any class he had to share with him barely made it worth it, no matter how interesting it was. He was even more thick-panned than the average human, which Karkat found should be impossible but it was there, clear as a day in the Alternian sun. Being assigned a study partner without his approval or possibility of change fucking sucked, no matter how many “good” human movies he boasted he knew.

When he arrived to the not yet started class, Karkat was surprised there was another guy sitting at their desk, talking animatedly with John like an irritating cluckbeast. He hoped he wouldn’t be another insufferable pink mammal he’d have to contend with to get anything done, no matter how much his stupid shades and trashy clothes made him look like that.

John noticed him as he was coming, yelling out a „Hi, Karkat!” Karkat ignored it, as usual.

„Who is this douchebag?” he asked as he sat down, pointing to the sunglasses wearing(they were inside a building and it was still day, holy shit) douchebag in question.

„I’m wounded, John. Your troll friend hasn’t even met me and he already started with the 6 year olds type insults. Please, hold me in your arms while I recover from this pain.” John was snickering as he held Dave like the guy was actually emotionally fragile.

„Karkat, this is Dave, my best bro since I was a kid and coolest dude I know.”

„Dave Strider, Coolkid extraordinaire, at your service.” Dave said theatrically, with a flourish deserving of a Vriska Serket drama award.

„There’s no service you could ever render that would make you look like less of a pan-addled idiot. Now shut your fucking mouth cause the professor is here and some of us are here to get schoolfed.”

„Whoa, whoa, man. No worries about that. Just chaperoning John for today. Roxy thinks girls and boys throw themselves on this hunk of meat whenever he’s alone, so I am keeping him out of trouble.”

John rolled his eyes. „Or you were just so bored you begged me to come along.”

„Come on man, you know I always have legitimate reasons for doing stuff.”

Karkat was about to reprimand Dave(because seriously what was wrong with him and not listening to a simple fucking request) when the professor started speaking, which shut their dull mouth flaps up.

However, even with them two quiet, Karkat couldn’t really concentrate on the professors explanations of some of the human social system, no matter how fascinating he found the subject. He did practically exhaust everything he could learn about trolls, which were mostly quadrant movies, so something new as if hatched right before his eyes and relevant to his hobby should not be so easy to lose concentration from.

Karkat finally realized, with mounting, uneqivocal horror, when he stole a glance at Dave for the -nth time, that that might be the problem.

Holy shit. No. Just, absolutely, indiscriminately, utterly, NO. This was worse than when Karkat thought he had some kind of a black crush on John, who was too derpy to be hated like that. Ok, Dave wasn’t looking too bad for a human, with his beach blond hair, soft-looking brown skin, full lips, and that he looked pretty short. But he only talked to him for like two fucking seconds, so there was no way this was a thing that was happening.

No way.

Karkat spent the remaining time of the class listening to the professor as best he could, scribbling down notes faster than usual. The principles surrounding human families and their inner social interactions were definitely a worthwhile thing to listen to while the two barkshit idiots whispered something between each other during half the class. He didn’t pay much attention to it, refusing to shed any bit of concentration off of the class. He could deal with this idiocy later, on his own.

„Hey, Karkat! You wanna join me and Dave for a movie night?” asked John with that irritating enthusiasm after the class ended. Karkat raised an eyebrow at him, surprised at the sudden question.

„What makes you think I’d be willing to go, you fuckwit?”

„Come on, dude. I have it from a real little bird that you love shitty movies, and John has plenty of those.” said Dave, his face betraying no emotion even after John punched his shoulder weakly.

„Fuck you and your avian messenger! The movies I watch are nothing short of unrivaled masterpieces your glance nuggets aren’t worthy of glancing upon.”

„Don’t insult the beautiful, tiny birds, you speciest asshole. They were just doing their jobs. Do you want them out of their paychecks, Karkat? Do you want them and their families out of their nests? Do you?”

„I don’t care about whoever you’re hiding behind the mask of an imaginary avian that said something so utterly idiotic. The movies I watch are absolutely perfect.”

John smiled in a way that meant some stupid prank was about to happen. „Awesome! Bring some with us to prove it! I am, however, pretty sure Alternian movies suck and that Earth movies rule!”

„Sorry man, but I absolutely have to agree with John here, his shitty taste in movies aside.” said Dave, which had done it. There was no way Karkat was going to let that stand.

„Alright, puny humans. Bring out your best movies before me and watch them get destroyed by the superiority of the ones I will show you. You will cry out my name in forgiveness and I will reply with a fuck you!”

Both of them started laughing and ok yeah that Karkat did say something pretty funny.

„Yeah ok, let’s just go before you say something so awesomely stupid like that again.” said Dave. „I don’t think I could handle it again.” John just nodded, still not able to reign in his laughing. He also gave one of those absurd human winks to Dave for some reason.

„Come on, we don’t need to go far.” John said after he finally calmed down.

He had told the truth - they walked perhaps fifteen minutes until they got to his house, talking all the way to John’s place. John couldn’t shut up about his father’s obsession with cakes and that he hoped they wouldn’t be overwhelmed by them cause he brought Karkat along.

This must have been one of his pranks. Karkat was pretty sure there wasn’t a person so pan-addled that enjoyed baking so much?

On the outside, John’s hive looked like it was an exact copy of every other house in the block, which was: a) pretty boring and b) completely fitting for John. When they got inside, after a brief fight over how grass patches are called(„It’s called a lawn, Karkat!” „Shut the fuck up, John!”), he was surprised that it looked like an organized chaos, with random drawings, statuettes of weird jugaloo dolls, and other stuff everywhere in their living room.

„Dad, Jane! I’m home!” called out John. Karkat figured it was his human lusus that emerged out of another room, impeccably dressed, with a pipe in his mouth and a _holy shit_ large cake in his hands.

„Jane is not at home, son.” he said before looking at Karkat. „So, this is the friend you said might come here today? He looks like a very nice young man.” Karkat had to keep himself from either involuntarily laughing or lashing out in a storm of protest at being called nice, out of all things. While he would have gladly done so to anyone else, John’s guardian had something indescribable that kept Karkat from doing so.

„Yes, dad. This is Karkat Vantas. He goes with me to my sociology class.” said John.

„Nice to meet you, Mr. Vantas.” John’s Dad said, offering out his right hand(the other balancing the damn cake). Karkat shook his hand and straight up tried not to wince because this human had, in some bizzare way, a purplebloods strength in the handshake. He mustered up a nod. Apparently satisfied, the lusus turned back to John.

„I am so, so proud of you for helping a friend this way.” he said, giving the cake to a grumbling John. Karkat looked first at John, who was too busy with the cake, and then at Dave with a puzzled look. He only got a slight shrug in response. The guardian left to what was presumably the meal block, ringing out a „Have fun, kids!” as he walked away.

John gave Karkat a big smile. „Come on! The movies won’t watch themselves! I can’t wait to show you the ones I picked for tonight.”

„If you make us watch Con Air, John, I swear to God I will do an acrobatic fucking pirouette and launch myself out of your house. I’ll also take Karkat with me so he wouldn’t be at your mercy. Wouldn’t wanna have someone on my conscience if they get a stroke from watching too many shitty movies in a row.” Dave said, a slight smirk on his face as they were climbing up to John’s room.

Karkat said nothing. He had a feeling(since he saw Strider first, though he dismissed it) something was afoot, that some sort of cahoots was happening which was aimed at him for some inscrutable shithive reason, and the more time he spent around these doofuses, the stronger it got.

What surprised him was that he thought it was the good kind? Maybe? He did not feel like he was going into a den of secret human rainbow drinkers who were going to horribly, ritualistically dismember him and drain him of his precious, life-inducing blood. Actually, Karkat remembered vividly a movie with this same exact scenario, which also included innumerable switching between quadrants and everyone dead. If he was to be used as blood fodder for supernatural beings, he hoped Dave would be the one who’d do it all. He at least seemed somewhat intelligent and looked hot.

„Sorry, Karkat, John just bribed me with the poison I can’t resist. You are on your own if you need escape from his movie taste - my love for aj has no bounds. When I die, I want the epitaph to read „Died as he lived, overdosing on apple juice”.

Dave’s soliloquoy broke Karkat’s train of thought. He realized they had already sat down on a bed(Karkat was briefly proud of his brains autopilot) and were watching the opening scenes of a movie(it featured a human soldier in a uniform going to a bar on a beach). Thankfully, he understood, as much as Strider could be understood, enough to say:

„I literally give zero fucks about any bribes or wrigglerish epitaphs. We have come to watch something at least resembling art, so I kindly request that you shut your trap now.”

„OK, ok man, chill. What’s a dude gotta do to get on your good side, sheesh.” John shushed him, and finally Dave decided to become quiet, munching on some strange human food Karkat recognized as probably being popcorn.

The idea to come here seemed worse and worse with each passing second.

This was only confirmed halfway into the surprisingly decent movie, when Dave’s head found it’s way to Karkat’s shoulder while John somehow fell asleep at the same time. This wasn’t happening. No way was he in the hive of his first human friend while that same friend was asleep and a guy he got a crush in the first five minutes of meeting had his head on Karkat’s shoulder(and those two were both best friends, holy murder trollocaust). It had to be a daymare, one he’d wake up from just about now yeah now this was fucking real and Karkat was freaking the fuck out. On the inside, that was.

He didn’t want to give anyone a reason to move even a fraction of an inch.

Karkat wanted to say something, anything to start a conversation. In his attempt to think of something that was not completely pan-dead to say, he accidentally blurted out:

„You’re pretty cool guy, Dave.” Dave went completely still beside him, and Karkat wanted to facepalm so hard when he realized he did, in fact, spoke aloud. Karkat decided to concentrate on the movie and ignore the fact that he ever spoke. Dave also didn’t speak, although he slowly relaxed again as more action on the screen went on.

It was only at the end that Dave spoke: „So, I guess I am on your good side then?” Karkat blinked in surprise, then blinked even more strongly because Dave gave him an actual smile, not the ironic version he already saw him employ. His face looked completely different with it, all the angles slightly softer and yet more pointed because of their beauty. Fuck.

„I stopped wanting to cull you, so you can consider yourself lucky. It is a mercy I give only to few.” Gog, he really should stop thinking about what to say, that was way better than anything he had uttered today.

„Yeah no. Sorry man, you don’t look like the type to hurt a bacteria, let alone anything else.”

„I take that back. If the troll army ever invades Earth, you are the first person on my hit list, and if any scrub idiot kills you first, their whole platoon will die more painfully than you.”

Dave looked at him for a second and then straight up laughed at him. Karkat joined him soon after because holy fuck was it viral. Unfortunately, that also woke John up, who looked like he needed an extra large cup of coffee to seem alive.

„Did you like the movie, Karkat?” asked John.

„I guess I can say it was ok.” Karkat said, though he wasn’t looking either at the movie or at John, but was smiling at Dave.


	6. Well, Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy says some things in between crying her heart out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry I haven't been upd8ing for so long and sitting on this chapter for so long, I just wasn't writing future chapters and was dealing with some personal stuff and stuff came up and I'm also attending a university now, but I hope I'll be able to write/post more stuff much more regularly anyway!
> 
> Chapter songs:  
> Muse - Undisclosed Desires - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIYvKCfqGB4  
> Kina Grannis - Gone - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWov7tGAIXQ

The moment she broke the kiss, Roxy knew she had fucked up.

She ran, swift and straight out of the club, somehow not connecting with any of the strangers in her way even though her vision was spinning like a Truth or Dare bottle. She had to get somewhere as far as possible.

Jane’s frozen look hovered in front of her mind’s eye, blurred by tears streaming from her face, as she ran headlong through the streets, not caring for where she was going.

Oh my god Roxy fucked it all up so much.

She didn’t know when it was that she stopped running and just slumped up against a wall, or where it was. The blur just dissipated slowly the farther she had gone and the more she had cried out. Now, Roxy was drained of everything but a strong case of sad and terrified that she got in a bad part of the city without realizing it. She whipped up her phone and thank god Dirk was online.

TG: Dirk pls can you come and get me  
TG: i dont now where I am and I am scared  
TG: answer fast pls  
TG: i know you have that phone tracking program just please hurry  
TT: Yeah, I am tracking you right now.  
TT: I will come soon.  
TT: Just, Roxy, what the fuck happened that got you into this state?  
TG: ill explain when you get here  
TG: but i totes fucked EVERYTHING up

(tipsyGnostalgic stopped pestering timaeusTestified)

Dirk arrived half an hour later in that shitty car of his and Roxy hugged him the moment he got out of it. He patted her back awkwardly before ushering her to the shotgun seat.

„So,” he said as he started driving, „now that I can see you are ok and can tell it to everyone so they aren’t half-scared to death - yes, that includes Jane( _yeah right lmao_ , Roxy thought) - can you tell me exactly what happened? Full story, the abridged version, or whatever the hell you choose would be nice.”

Where to start? What did she even want to tell? He already knew how she had an unrecognized crush on Jane for the longest time before she admitted it to herself; he knew a lot of the ideas she had about how to go along with it. Roxy didn’t know if she really wanted to tell him everything that happened tonight.

Fuck it. They were the older Strilonde sibling pair, and they handled each others embarrassing stuff since forever, so she might as well spill everything as if she was liberally spilling vodka in her drinks.

That would feel so good though. At least it would make the talking thing easier.

„I randomly, unthinkingly made out with Jane, and by that I mean I was the one doing things while she was frozen like a shitty wizard statue..”

Dirk raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. It was his way of saying „that ain’t nowhere near the whole story, bitch, you might as well keep on talking”, so Roxy continued.

„Me and Jane finally got to have that girls night out that we had to delay soooooooooo many times cause shenanigans happened every single fucking time we arranged it. Remember when Jake broke his leg by doing some brave aka stupid stunt so Jane had to take care of him? Or when John screwed something up when he prepared some cakes so they all got sick? Lol that was totes precious and also super frustrating. We couldn’t catch a break!

But we aaaaaall finally got here and us two worked it out for today and I was so hyped for it!!! Like, so HYPED!!!!” Roxy flailed her arms, trying to express it in more than just words.

„I had it all in my mind. Zero drinks, going around the city doing everything from game arcades to strip clubs, and some well done Roxy the badass cute girl flirting™ to see if she would succumb to my charms. Ofc I was gonna back off if nothing was gonna happen... in my mind. Whatever.

And it did go so super well. I got the adventurous side of her out in the open where it belongs instead of laying in a dusty closet. She totally beat me at a Mortal Kombat arcade which was so AWESOME that if I hadn’t been swooning all over her so hard then that would’ve done it. We pranked some random guys into thinking we were actual undercover detectives, and the looks on their faces were totes precious rofl.

Then we got to that damn club and were not even so much dancing together as along and I don’t know what came over me that I couldn’t resist plastering myself over her. I started kissing her on her forehead, on her cheeks, and she was laughing and I was laughing... and then I kissed her on the mouth and I didn’t even realize it at the moment and I went already too far when I started with it and I kept going and then I stopped and I looked at her, right in her eyes...”

Roxy couldn’t keep going anymore. It didn’t matter - Dirk understood. Then, as if her brain was on overdrive for hurt station, an image of John surfaced in her mind.

Oh no.

“Oh my god. John, I must have hurt John so much with this too, no matter that we broke up after the party. Oh no.” Roxy started crying, feeling completely miserable.

“Fuck. I screwed up so hard. Fml.” she got out somehow in between sobs.

Dirk was silent the whole ride, even after Roxy stopped talking. Sometimes he’d get that way. Roxy had nothing better to do than to wait for him to say whatever his crazy mind was thinking, and keep flipping the fuck out in the meantime.

When they got to the dorms, Dirk parked the car and turned to Roxy.

„Listen. I think you should talk to Jane as soon as possible.”

„Psssyeah sure, 15/10 plan you have there dude.”

„No, hear me out. We both know I am not a Casanova or anything like him, no matter how much I pretend to be him. I cannot claim that I know if Jane is interested in girls or not... If you want to ask, I’d say not but somehow that strikes me as wrong. I have no idea and it makes no sense. It isn't important, that's for sure.

What is important is that I do know that you have been bffs since fucking forever, and that even if you did screw up today and nothing romantic between you can happen, I know that she’d still want you as her best friend. It’s like trying to separate us Strilondes from Harley-Egberts - there’s just no fucking way it can be done, no matter what happens. We could face apocalypses and survive, and this is the same.”

Roxy was silent for a while, repeating his words again and again because it was based on so many assumptions and she didn’t know if they could be true. She didn’t know if _she_ could be true, or if she was a total fake and the worst friend ever and did not deserve to be near her awesome friends again.

And there was the biggest thing of them all, the sword hanging over her neck. Roxy looked at Dirk, feeling as miserable as a child left in a box.

„Dirk… What if I can’t be just that? What if I fuck up again because I can’t keep it in my pants?”

„That is way too crass a way to think about yourself. “ Dirk replied, dead serious. “And I’m still asking you to try. I can list you at least several reasons why, and probably an x amount if I set my prototype program to work, but you are smart enough not to need any of that.”

„I...” Roxy was overwhelmed by his faith in her. There’s no way she deserved it, after what she did. What could she even say to that?

„Uh, I guess. You’re right.” There. Perfect. That was something.

„I am always right, am I not?” he replied, biting sarcasm in his voice. Roxy laughed weakly.

„Hey, Dirk?” she said, which stopped him from going out of the car yet. “Thanks.” She gave him another hug.

This time, he hugged back.

They got out of the car and went for their dorms. “Also,” Dirk said on the way, as if he remembered something suddenly, “I wouldn’t worry about John. I don’t think he’ll take it badly at all. He’s too kind-hearted for it. If anything, he’ll probably just want to help you be happy.” Well, that was... encouraging, if she could accept it as true. Roxy would take care of it tomorrow. The amount she had on her plate was fucking Mt. Everest high.

Roxy let out a sigh of relief when she rolled into her bed, happy that she chose the lower bed for herself. She would’ve been too exhausted to climb the five small steps for the top one.

She opened her phone and whoa it was 4 am already, wow. Pesterchum, however, said Jane was online. Roxy typed in stuff, deleted it, tried again, and did that several times until she just sent something(if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have sent anything):

TG: hey Jane  
TG: im so sorry for what happened  
TG: the sorry pile dosn stop from growing  
TG: i fucked it all up  
GG: Roxy.  
GG: Let’s not talk about what happened.  
GG: I don’t think I can.  
GG:"We should ignore it and just pretend that part was suddenly erased from our memory by">TG: yeah ok no worries  
TG: i can go with this  
TG: *poof* yeah nothing happened  
TG: Jane  
TG: im still so fucking sorry that I did that  
GG: I think I know.  
GG: Go to sleep. It’s late and we both need it.  
TG: u2

(gutsyGumshoe stopped pestering tipsyGnostalgic)

Roxy felt better knowing her best friend did not actually hate her. That was the only good thing, though, but it was good enough that she didn’t start crying herself out again as she fell asleep.


End file.
